Friday, May 06, 2011

Not so good start...

I do not like the days when i wake up with heavy heart and unknown depression of sorts...i myself do not know why and how i can be depressed on a bright Friday morning. Not really sure what causes it. I just want to go back to sleep. Is it fatigue ? fatigue after 8 hours of sleep ??? Is it even possible ? I don't want to talk to anyone, don't want to listen to anyone. But, that is kind of nearly impossible to do for feeling so depressed that i can go watch the crappiest of senti movie and cry my heart out...OMG ! something is wrong. Looks like i need professional help here :(

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

School days...Part-I

I read someones blog yesterday which described how petrified that person was during schooling due to various reasons. Since the person was not too good at studies, extremely bad at sport and worse, did not have any friends in school, found it scary and frustrating to goto school.

Which makes me think and thank god for all the good time i had in school. I distinctively remember how the same kind of situation turned completely in my favour...lot of reasons. I was a loner as i could not read, write or understand any language including English that my classmates spoke. I just felt so horrible to be in such a teary situation, far away from parents and sibling...with my hitler's re-birth kind of grandfather. But, the person who made it easy for me was for grandma....will tell about that some other day.

So, the first day in school was unforgettable...I enter this place where i dont have a clue what people are speaking (tamil), cant understand what they are teaching (hindi and english) and dont even know how to excuse myself for restroom...thanks to hand signs ;)...I cried and cried myself to bed that night. See, there was no phone to call my mom and ask her to take me back...forget about call, there was no scope to express such feelings. When i type this, i have a lump in my throat.

I was very sad. More sad because the hindi teacher had asked us to learn a poem for the class next day and we had to recite in the class. More worry because the hindi teacher knew me through my aunt who was her ex-student. I guess that was the most tense night before feb 24th 2007 night...It was a shift school and started only from 1.30 in the afternoon. Somehow, my grandmother could see the change of feeling and my lack on interest in eating breakfast. She asked me and thats all was needed. The dam of my tears broke open. I cried and cried and was very scared of the humiliation awaiting in the school that afternoon. "I will teach you", she said, and i was amazed. Never realized my grandma could read and understand Hindi. Though she wasnt an expert, she read it, and i wrote it down in telugu (i was from telugu medium school) and memorized it.

At school, the first thing hindi teacher en-quired on how many kids learnt the poem she asked us to learn. I realized after 30 secs that only i had raised my hand. Honestly, i was too innocent back then. The concept of 'it is ok to not do homework' or 'it is ok not to answer' was never part of my school life earlier. She asked me to come to the board and recite, and i could see all the girls grinning as they thought i had lied....they knew i had no clue to read one single syllable in hindi....Then, i started reciting the poem and i still remember the way their eyes popped out in amazement. Of course i did not recite with the correct diction, but yes, I DID RECITE the full poem. There was pin drop silence after that.

No one spoke for a while and then i could hear the teacher clapping and the class followed...Everyone stood up and clapped for me...I knew that i was no longer an alien there....It was the beginning of being accepted. It was the beginning of a long friendship with all my friends..Humble beginning, i may add. Teacher was all praise as i had put so much hard work to learn and overcome the obstacles..I dont remember what she praised as i could not understand completely..But, i knew that i will do good in this school. I knew that i will be happy there.